I chuckled a little when I read today's reflection. I think there's no greater tension between playing the ideal mom and the mom whose life is chaos than during Advent!
I mean, we're supposed to have the perfect house and the perfect Christmas tree and perfect decorations and perfect presents for everyone. We're also supposed to have the perfect prayer life and the perfect Advent reflections and the perfect experience at the Christmas Eve service... Fortunately we learn soon enough that life is never perfect - it wasn't for the disciples - and it isn't for us.
I remember well the Christmas before Zach was born. Doug, Sarah, Grace and I were visiting my folks in their 2 bedroom condo in Norfolk. My brother, sister-in-law and their two kids were also there. (all kids were under the age of 4) The tree was decorated, and the church service was nice, and my mother had prepared a wonderful meal... and just as we were finished eating, the kids started getting sick. One by one throughout the night we were taking them to the bathroom and washing sheets. Fortunately my parents decided to stay in a hotel - they had no idea what was going on back at their house. Boy, were they shocked to come home and find that Christas morning wasn't at all what they expected it to be! We laugh now...
At this stage of the game, I think we do the best we can - loving our kids, showing them Jesus, teaching them the joy of giving, knowing they will already understand the gift of receiving... and we let the need for perfection go.
I'm sure in following Jesus the disciples had to let their idea of perfection go as well - think about the time they were trying to shush the children away, and Jesus said, "no no, bring them back to me!" Chances are good that time with the kids was chaos... imperfect... and yet with Jesus, miraculous.
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Our college girl came home - and made three trips to the doctor with a pretty sever case of bronchitis. Fortunately she is doing much better. Otherwise we had a great time visiting with family.
Look for some Advent thoughts to come your way next!
Blessings-
Rev. Meredith
On Friday I was invited to speak to our current intern class at my work on being a working mom. I sat before I group of 20 fresh-faced young women and told them how I had woken up that morning to find my baby with his eye and nostrils crusted shut (obviously some sort of cold). Of course, this was after my husband had left for work and I had to rearrange my whole morning to ensure I had care for my little guy as well as still get Ben out the door to preschool. I made an appointment for Luke at the pediatrician and let daycare know he would not be coming. I had to drive to work instead of taking the Metro as usual. I did all this and made it to work for a scheduled 11am meeting. I could tell by watching these young ladies' faces that they still didn't understand the full magnitude of being a working mom. But I'm not sure I would have understood either before I became a parent. I don't know if I had told my 20-year-old self about double ear infections or frantically pumping breastmilk before a conference call or racing out the door to pick up my kids before daycare closed if I would have understood either. All I know now is that the best advice I could have given myself (and others) is that we don't have to have all the answers or "do it all." You really figure things out because you HAVE to when you're in the moment.
ReplyDeleteMelissa, Meredith, your post and comments really touched me--I think the younger me would crumble at what I affectionately call "the lobster treatment"--being put into a pot of water and having the temp turned up and not really noticing it until it's boiling and too late to get out ;). I hear so often, "I don't know how you do it with three!" and I think, "whoa, this looks like 'doing it'??" and I push back and say, "no, no, having one is hard work! so is two! don't belittle your own efforts!"
ReplyDeleteI'ts funny that the closest I've ever felt to "having it together" at Christmas was right before Tommy was born in 2010. He was due on 8 December and I knew there would be no "Christmas" if everything didn't get ready beforehand, so I took what wound up being 2 weeks off work and did the cards and cleaned the house and got out the lights and ornaments and all that. He was born on the 15th and everything was great and I found myself sobbing at the Christmas eve service on the 24th because of how overwhelming everything was, a c-section and two other boys (who flipped out on the way to church and couldn't come in) and my grandfather who passed away the morning after I got home from the hospital right after my in-laws left in a panic because my FIL's mother had been rushed to the ER (she passed on the 26th).
And recently Meredith shared with us her own health problems, diagnosed probably at the same time as all my own woes were unfolding, and I still remember her blessing for Thomas (named in small part for the doubter in all of us!) and for me, and I'm struck by the way she lives the message of "let the children come to Me"--because that's why I keep coming back to St. Mark's even though my boys are maniacs :) (another confession: another Christmas eve, in 2008, I had a 19 month old and a 3 month old, and I left the service since I couldn't manage by myself and felt that everyone was judging me...)
It's funny how life gets in the way of what we try to do. Sometimes I think there's a message in that, too. Melissa, you're right that you do what you have to...and that's something to be proud of, not bemoan. Letting go of the pursuit of perfection is a very, very hard thing for me but healthier in the end for everyone, and my kids should get to see me be NOT perfect so they know it's ok to be just as they are :)